At the risk of sounding cliche, I seriously can't believe that another year has past. I'm also entirely confused as to how it was, like, JUST Christmas- my FAVORITE HOLIDAY- and now it's not. So of course New Year's Eve calls for a review of 2018.
This year was a 9 personal year, meaning that there were a lot of things ending for me. Including internalized shame around my body, earning money, and developing my gifts. HEALTH -decided to completely ditch the scale and consequently found a greater love for my body and overall better mental health as result -attended the Love Alchemy retreat, at which I was able to learn tools and techniques to love my body more deeply -cut out gluten and sugar...and realized how much better I feel without them! (But I'm still going to eat chocolate.) -realized that dance is a non-negotiable WORK/MONEY -moved away from teaching public school -stepped more fully into purpose work: writing, Akashic Records readings -launched the Wootastic Goddess Revolution with Beth Neeley -paid off a credit card PERSONAL/SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT -completed the Akashic Records training -went through The Spiral -learned the art of creation journaling -went through Money Mentality Makeover....TWICE -began practicing the art of living cyclically RELATIONSHIPS -met so many wonderful new friends in all of the awesome programs -strengthened my most important relationships: to my partner and to Source It's been a great year. And I'm about to create some magic in 2019! Word of the year is "consistency".
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I am not a big fan of drama. I know people who thrive on it, but typically that's something I steer clear of. Yet I attracted some drama into my sphere last night. And I'm sort of recovering from an emotional hangover today.
I've been a little more short tempered. I got frustrated. I cried. I've experienced the full gamut of emotions today. But as with anything, I look at what the payoff is. And the payoff for me is that I allowed this drama to get in the way of me doing the work I needed to do on my business, and writing. It's true that I needed a day off, because I spent a good portion of the day reading a Nancy Drew book and cleaning. Not writing. Not working on salespages. Not livestreaming. THAT was my payoff. A day off. I was just too fucking tired to do anything that required the use of a large portion of my brain. I realized this was my first year without a two week break at Christmas. Because I went straight from school to teaching in schools where I would have this time off. Not so this time around. Everything in me has been wanting to retreat and just take a week to journal, pleasure write, and READ. READ, READ, READ all the things I want! So I took a day. I rested. And now I'm ready to rock and roll! That's some of the best advice I ever got from my mom. But somewhere along the way I lost sight of what I love because I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to make money doing it because I wasn't special enough. I love to write. But I'm not Jane Austen. I love to sing. But I'm not Lady Gaga. I love to act. But I'm not Meryl Streep. I love to dance. But I'm not Anna Pavlova. I'm "just" Mallory. While I feel like my mom gave me some very good advice, there's a second piece of advice that my mentor gave me and continues to repeat, especially when all I want to do is take a nap and eat cookies. "If it were easy, everyone would be doing it." If it were easy, everyone would be manifesting and creating the life of their dreams. A life of leisure. A life of comfort. A life of MAGIC. I'm oscillating between what I know at the soul level I truly desire and what I feel like is realistic. My mind is REALLY good at convincing me that I don't truly desire what I know I truly desire. I sometimes experience both "I desire this" and "I don't desire this" feelings about the same thing within a ten-minute period! The point, and I do have one, is that I am truly in a state of discovery which is a super awesome place to be. I get to explore everything that I'm about. And because I believe that I could have everything I want and that when I'm truly in alignment with what I do, the money I desire will come too. And I don't have to be Jane, Gaga, Meryl or Anna to do it. I get to be awesomely me. That said... Universe, grant me the next steps to being the singing, dancing, acting, writing UNICORN QUEEN OF THE WORLD! I was up all night. I don't understand how parents of newborn children do the up-all-night thing more than one night in a row. Kudos to ALL of the parents in the world!
I'm visiting my mom. And one of her dogs, Winky, is super cute, but he was up barking until about three in the morning. I had the best-laid plans to get up at 5am, journal, meditate, go for a walk and just really taking my time in the process, not just simply going through the motions. I've been trying to get back into asking the Universe every day what I am to do that day because I've been having a hard time getting clarity. So I was up at about 8am, and as I'm journaling, every affirmation I'm writing felt like a lie. I was just like, okay TIME OUT! And I went for a walk just to get my body moving. I'm finding the quickest way to raising my vibe has been about moving my body, which I have NOT been doing enough of, so of COURSE I've been vibing kind of low (coupled with the heaviness of the collective consciousness during this time of year and my own transitions and blah blah blah.) Upon returning to the house, I was STILL in a shitty mood, so I grabbed the second dog, Penny, and took her for a walk while Winky was getting dropped off at the groomer's. Penny rarely gets to go for an official walk, although she gets plenty of time to run around a spacious backyard, but this little girl was SO excited to be able to go on a real walk. So she was all over the place- sniffing, jumping, running (and practically pulling my arm out of its socket!) And she was completely in her JOY. I watched her silly antics and I'm like "when was the last time I was this excited? When was the last time I was just silly and completely in my joy?" I can't remember exactly, but it's definitely been a few months. That's TOO long. I'm SO serious about manifesting the 2019 of my dreams. This starts with starting dance again in January. It's now a non-negotiable. I'll be walking and getting exercise any way I can until classes start up again. Because Mallory is to dance as Penny is to smelling another dog's pee! What does it look like for you to be fully in YOUR joy? Hey all! Hope you enjoyed an awesome Christmas if you celebrate.
I alluded to this year being quite a bit different than Christmases past. I didn't need to be visited by three spirits in order to get my Christmas spirit back. Now, I'm SO much in the Christmas spirit, I'm not much into the spirit of getting my butt moving on what I desire to create for 2019. And that's the thing. I've been so back and forth about not only WHAT I desire but what I'm willing to do to get it. I fully believe that if you're willing to do anything to get what you desire, the Universe has no choice but to grant you your wish. So what do you do when you don't know what your wish is? At this point, I'm lifestyle driven. And I'm living the life that I want, except that I don't have the money that I desire and so I'm stuck on what I need to do to bring in the money I desire that ISN'T adhering to someone else's dress code and reporting for duty at the same time every day. That grants me the flexibility to take care of my home and pets. That gives me the opportunity to work in my pajamas, or set up office at a Starbucks. I love my life. I desire $5,000 months. Universe, show me my next steps. I'm willing to see things differently A Merry Christmas Eve to you.
It's raining outside right now. And I love rainy days for reading and meditation and contemplation. I'm definitely feeling the heaviness of the collective consciousness right now. My business is in the middle of some major transition, as is my person. While I've fully stepped into my role as the Joy Goddess, it's still settling in what it's like for the Joy Goddess when she's feeling less than joyful. I've typically loved this time of year. The weather. The clothing. The smell of pine everywhere. But I've realized that the past me enjoyed this time of year because of the hibernation aspects. And I'm not so keen on hiding anymore. I've been so sad this Christmas season. I got used to having my teaching income coming in. I would do my Christmas shopping during my summer break and be totally calm and collected by the time December rolled around. But because I haven't been able to create a consistent income with the business yet, I've been scrambling at the last minute to finish up what I was unable to finish before. So why else is December 2018 different? Well, we moved at the beginning of the month. And because of the transition, the tree didn't even get up until December 22. I'm normally a first weekend of December kind of person. And then I step back and enJOY. When I was a teacher, I'd have time off at this time. And here I am, working on Christmas Eve. I simply haven't taken the time to just sit back and enJOY. That's the piece that has been missing this year. The Joy Goddess is ironically missing some JOY this holiday season. I've been getting in my own way. I haven't been allowing myself to feel the JOY of the season. I haven't been setting aside time for reading with a warm beverage close by, and enjoying the rain that I love so much. I haven't been snuggling with my partner. I haven't been resting much and choosing to work instead. Well no wonder. I'M NOT AN ELF! I tell my clients all the time that even if your work brings you joy, you still need to take breaks. You still need to make time to do the things you love. I'm finishing my work in about 30 more minutes. Then I'm going to cuddle my partner, read and DEFINITELY watch "Elf." Because I'm making a choice. And I'm choosing to enjoy the rest of the season. Merry Christmas, all. |
AuthorJoy Goddess. Imaginatrix. Writer. Akashic Records Reader. Teacher. Archives
May 2019
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